“It’s a Privilege. I Get To…” – Shifting the Lens of Everyday Life
When I start working with new clients, especially in those early sessions, I often hear the same emotional outpouring: “I have to look after my aging parents.” “I have to juggle work, kids, and everyone else’s needs.” “I feel like a slave — when is it ever about me?”
And I get it. I really do. I sit there, nodding, listening, holding space for the resentment, the exhaustion, and the grief over lost freedom or identity. It’s real, it’s valid, and it needs to be heard.
But then, when the moment is right, I offer a gentle reframe:
“What if it’s not something you have to do… but something you get to do?”
Because truly — it’s a privilege.
Having recently lost my dad, I’d give anything to have “had to” care for him in his old age. If that meant he was still here, still needing me, it would be a blessing. And with my mum still around — fiercely independent and worried about becoming a burden in her later years — I often remind her (and myself), that it would be a privilege to look after her someday. A quiet thank-you for all the sleepless nights, the worry, the sacrifices she made in my early years.
I know this can sound patronising, especially when you’re knee-deep in nappies or booking yet another doctor’s appointment — but perspective is everything. It’s a privilege to grow older. To have aging parents still with us. To have kids who need us. To have a home to clean, a body to dress, a routine to show up for.
Even the mirror — the one that shows new lines or grey hairs — could become a place of gratitude. Those signs of aging? They’re not flaws. They’re proof that you’re still here, still living, still lucky.
Of course, the chores and responsibilities won’t disappear. But how we see them — that’s where our power lies. A simple shift in language from “I have to” to “I get to” can transform resentment into gratitude.
Try it today.
Nisha x