I recently read Mel Robbins’ Let Them theory, and it struck a deep chord. It’s simple in concept—just let people do what they’re going to do—but, like many simple truths, it can be much harder to practice. The heart of the theory is about letting go of control. If someone doesn’t invite you, doesn’t text back, or behaves in a way that disappoints or hurts you—just let them. Don’t chase. Don’t fix. Don’t try to make them behave differently. Let them be exactly who they are.
But what resonated with me even more was the unspoken second half of that idea: Let me. Let me decide how I respond. Let me stay grounded in who I am, even when others wobble.
🎢 The Seesaw Analogy
Imagine a seesaw in a playground. A balanced relationship means both people are sitting on either end, equally invested and engaged. But the moment one person jumps off, the seesaw crashes. If you’re constantly overcompensating—trying harder, caring more, fixing everything—you’re not in balance anymore. The other person isn’t holding up their side.
But here’s the shift: if I stay on top of the seesaw, I get perspective. I’m no longer scrambling to create balance. I’m observing from above, calm and steady. I’m not dominating—I’m just not falling.
Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond. That’s what Let Me is all about. I don’t need to change someone else’s behaviour to feel okay. I don’t need to convince them to treat me differently. I just need to decide—What am I going to do next?
💬 Real-Life Example
Let’s say a friend consistently doesn’t text back or flakes on plans.
- Old me: I’d send another text. I’d spiral. I’d ask, “Are you mad at me?” I’d try harder or I’d make an excuse for their lack of effort, convincing myself they must be going through something.
- ‘Let them’ me: I see the behaviour, I accept it, and I remind myself:
“That’s how they show up. I can’t control that—but I do get to decide how much access they now have to my time and energy.”
I’m no longer being dragged down by their actions. I’m sitting at the top of the seesaw—clear-headed, calm, and confident in my choice.
🔁 Let Them. Let Me.
So now, when someone acts out, pulls away, or disappoints me, I repeat:
Let them. Let me.
Let them be who they are. Let me respond with grace.
Let them exit, avoid, or dismiss. Let me protect my peace.
Let them reveal themselves. Let me stay on top of the seesaw—with strength, with clarity, and with love for myself.
This isn’t about giving up on people. It’s about giving up the need to control them. That’s where the real freedom begins.
Nisha x