“The most important thing you can do to get what you want is to make peace with not having it yet.”
I know. It sounds completely backwards. But stay with me.
As a coach, I spend a lot of time listening to people talk about the things they want to change. And often, without realising it, they’re actually at war with their current situation.
Just today, a client was telling me how frustrated she is with online dating.
“Everyone else seems to meet someone. Why can’t I even find someone I want to date? I’m doing the work. I’m making an effort. I look good. I’ve got great pictures. What else am I supposed to do?”
And listening to her, I could see the problem. She was so focused on not having the relationship she wanted that she was fighting being single every single day.
And this is where I think we misunderstand “doing the work.”
Making peace with being single doesn’t mean deciding you want to stay single. Making peace with a business that isn’t where you want it to be doesn’t mean giving up on your ambitions. Making peace with your finances doesn’t mean you stop wanting more.
It simply means: stop being at war with where you are while you’re on your way to where you want to be.
Think about it this way. Imagine someone could absolutely guarantee that everything you truly wanted was coming. You might not know whether it would arrive next month, next year or even much later — but you knew, without question, that it was coming.
Wouldn’t you relax?
Wouldn’t you enjoy today a little more?
The reason we struggle is because we don’t have that guarantee. So we try to control the timing, the people and the outcome. Then, when things don’t happen quickly enough, we become frustrated.
But the opposite of control is trust.
So let’s make this practical. Get a pen and paper out today and do these three things.
Step one: Get crystal clear on what you want.
Write it down. What do you truly want? Don’t think about what you should want or how you’re going to get it. Just be clear. Then close your eyes and imagine having it. How does it feel? See yourself living it and allow yourself to experience that feeling now. That’s the Law of Assumption. You don’t need to keep asking for it every day. Ask, decide and believe.
Step two: Make peace with not having it yet.
Now write down everything that is good about your current situation.
If you’re single, what does being single allow you to do right now? Perhaps you have more time for yourself, your friends, your family, your career, travelling or simply learning who you are and what you really want.
You’re not pretending you don’t want the relationship. You’re simply refusing to make your current life miserable because it hasn’t arrived yet.
Step three: Trust that it’s on its way.
This is the part you practise every day.
Start noticing your emotions. They are your guidance system. The moment you feel yourself slipping into frustration, anxiety, desperation or “Why hasn’t it happened yet?”, catch yourself.
And ask one simple question:
Am I at peace with this situation, or am I at war with it?
If you’re at war, come back to what is good about your life right now. Come back to trust. Come back to the belief that what you want is making its way towards you.
That doesn’t mean sitting back and doing nothing. Go on the date. Build the business. Make the call. Work on yourself. Take the opportunities.
But take action from a place of possibility, not panic.
Because whether you think about it spiritually as vibration and alignment, or simply as the way our mindset affects how we move through life, constantly focusing on what is missing keeps you living in lack.
So make peace with where you are. Get excited about where you’re going. And when you catch yourself fighting the present because the future hasn’t arrived quickly enough, remind yourself:
Peace or war?
You get to choose.
You don’t have to love the waiting room.
Just stop fighting being in it.
Love Nisha x