As a personal stylist, a trainer, and a coach, one of the biggest things I see in women is this innate desire to be liked. Whether it’s at work, in relationships, socially, or even just walking into a room, we want to be perceived well. We want to feel attractive, approachable, and accepted. Because of that, we invest a lot into how we look.
We spend money on the right outfits, the right colours, and the right cuts. We invest in our hair, our makeup, and often in aesthetics too, from Botox to fillers, all in the hope that we’ll feel more confident and, ultimately, more likeable. And while all of that absolutely has its place, there’s something I’ve noticed time and time again.
I can style someone beautifully. I can help them feel confident, polished, and put together. I can coach them through interviews, dates, or big life moments. And yet sometimes they come back and say, I don’t know what it was, I looked great, but I didn’t get the reaction I expected, or no one really approached me, or it just didn’t land the way I thought it would.
When I really observe, whether it’s in person, on Zoom, or even just through their energy, there’s often one simple thing missing. They’re not smiling. It sounds almost too obvious, but it’s incredibly powerful.
I recently came across the idea that if there was one rule everyone had to follow, it would be this, smile and say hi first. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. In big cities like London or New York, we’re so used to being in our own bubble, head down, often on our phones, avoiding eye contact. It has almost become the norm, and yet these are the very places people describe as the loneliest.
Compare that to smaller towns, where people naturally smile, acknowledge each other, and say hello. There’s a warmth and openness that makes people feel seen. It made me question whether it’s really about how much we spend on how we look, or whether it’s something much simpler.
Because there is nothing more attractive than a genuine smile. Not forced or performative, but open, warm, and real. The kind that reaches your eyes and makes someone feel comfortable around you.
I will be honest, I have caught myself out on this too. People who know me will say I have a big smile, and I do, but usually with people I am comfortable with. In new environments, I can easily become more reserved, a bit more inward, just getting on with my own thing.
But on the days I consciously choose to look up, make eye contact, and smile first, something shifts. Conversations happen more easily, people open up, and there is a sense of ease that was not there before. Sometimes it leads to something practical, a recommendation, a new place, a helpful tip, and other times it is simply a moment of connection. Both matter.
So this is the shift I am making this season. Not more spending, not more fixing, not another thing to perfect. Just something simple. Smile, and say hi first.
Because the truth is, we can invest in everything externally, but if we are not open in how we present ourselves, we miss the very thing we are often looking for, connection. And the best part is, it does not cost a thing.
Nisha x